Like he can hear me

[tstracener]

Friday was the 23rd. Normally that means nothing, but Tracy and I remember every month - we always know when its coming. Almost subconsciously we seem to prepare ourselves for what has become a monthly anniversary of Samuel's passing. Friday was no different, and it's really no easier than the last. Tracy has dreams about Samuel...the ones in which things might have turned out a little differently, and I find myself talking to his picture with this feeling like I know he can hear me. I feel like he's not really gone and that I'm just biding my time until I can hold him again. As a Christian I know this will happen in my head, but just as a person I feel like that is too far away. I wonder if Samuel will know me then. Oddly enough, I actually feel some regret about Samuel. I feel like I didn't love him enough when he was with us! Isn't that weird?? No one can gauge how much they love someone. Friday was the 23rd and I hope that Samuel heard me say how much I love him still.

[linda]

We share the same day! The 23 will never go away - some months it will feel lighter than now but the 23 will always be a part of you. Most will never know and the day will pass with your heavy heart.

I truly believe Ethan visits me in fact just last night. Since he died I've asked the Lord to let him visit me even if only in my sleep and I tell you I'm woken up on many nights by a little cloudy white something in the air...it's peaceful and I never fear it. I've been told angels visit us and I believe that with all my heart. When I was younger my dad died - I was 16. I remember 10 yrs ago after having Elijah that the same precence was amoung me - again when I slept. Every time I awoke to it it moved away or around me and I never was fearful. I believe my dad was around to meet Elijah as Ethan and my dad are here meeting Mason...As a Christian I believe God knows your heart and if you ask for him to allow Samuel to visit you I believe he will in his time.

"Praying for little whispers in the night for you too!"

[motherofthree]

I know he heard you...I believe strongly in a life after this world. I feel Kavya around me and I think how wonderful that she is able to come and let me "feel" her from time to time. I talk to Kavya and sing to her as if she could hear me, because I believe she can and does. Even after Kavya was in the hospital and had passed, I believe she hung around watching us love her - I didn't feel her absence right away.

I think Samuel is so lucky to have you. You doubt your love for him - that you didn't love him enough while he was here...but I hear nothing but love for him in every word you write. Loving him isn't "then" - loving him will always be "now" for you.

I agree with Linda. I ask for visits often, and though I don't always get them when I want them, I have gotten them when I needed them the most. I've even talked to her in a dream.

You're son will always be a presence in your life, and I have no doubt that he knows exactly how much he is loved!

[Austin's Momma]

I'm sure Samuel heard you...even if no one else can hear you...he does. And he knows that you love him, as only a father can.

[Valerie'sMomma]

The 23rd was 7 months since my angel passed. And it is true some days will pass lighter and others just gut wrenching. It pains me as well to think I did not love her enough, but I think they all know that we love and miss them with every day that comes and goes. And yes, it seems like we are biding our time until we meet our angels again and that day cannot come soon enough. But we will know them, just as they are watching us now, we will know them.

I am sorry your heart is broken.

[isaacnhannahsmama]

The anniversaries are the hardest. Sometimes I'm walking around in a funk a few days prior, just knowing it's coming. I understand you're feelings about "not loving Samuel enough" But in your heart you know that you love him, God knows, Samuel knows.
Those feelings & thoughts don't come from God, as a Christian, you know where they're coming from right? Gods word says there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus, so claim that OK?
I also understand how painful it is to wait to hold your sweet baby again, & I firmly believe they will know us. I believe with all my heart that when I get to Heaven my children will smile at me & call me "mama"
I'm certain that when Samuel sees you he will be excited & hug & kiss you.
Samuel knows you love him, Jesus tells him all the time.

[Dave Cisco]

Friday was the 23rd. Normally that means nothing, but Tracy and I remember every month - we always know when its coming. Almost subconsciously we seem to prepare ourselves for what has become a monthly anniversary of Samuel's passing. Friday was no different, and it's really no easier than the last. Tracy has dreams about Samuel...the ones in which things might have turned out a little differently, and I find myself talking to his picture with this feeling like I know he can hear me.(he can) I feel like he's not really gone and that I'm just biding my time until I can hold him again. As a Christian I know this will happen in my head, but just as a person I feel like that is too far away. I wonder if Samuel will know me then.(of course) Oddly enough, I actually feel some regret about Samuel. I feel like I didn't love him enough when he was with us! Isn't that weird?? No one can gauge how much they love someone. Friday was the 23rd and I hope that Samuel heard me say how much I love him still.(he did)

:):)

[Shannon Dambrosi]

i know your Samuel hears evey word you say to him. i talk and sing to my little girl Ashley all the time and i know deep down in my heart that she is up their looking down and lisoning to me