Shaunna Arella Merritt

[Darby]

Well, I am home now. Havent got much rest, but I wanted to introduce my little girl formally before I get some rest.

My contractions started Wednesday night, right after returning home from having my maternity session done. I thouhgt they were false labor, and so did l&d here in Colville. They were only in my back, wasnt feeling anything in my tummy. They were about every 8-10 minutes apart, so I went in at about 4pm on thursday night to my local hospital here to just get checked out to see if there was any dialation at all. After being checked at 6pm I was only a fingertip dialated and about 50% effaced, so they sent me home with some medication that were supposed to stop the false contactions and let me sleep.

Well, at about 9pm I decided to call down to Spokane again, and they said I better come in just to be safe. My contactions were coming about every 5-8 minutes and getting a lot more uncomfortable. So I woke my mom up, and she drove me to Spokane. When we arrived I got admitted and they werent worried at all. The nurse actually made the comment that they would probably have me walk around for an hour or two, and that probably wouldnt do anything, so they would just send me home. But, she did decide to check me before just to get a starting check. After she checked me she got a really weird look on her face and said well im going to go get a second opinoin but it feels like your 6-7 cm!! So another nurse came in and confimed that I was a definate 6cm. I was then admitted to l&d and told Levi(Shaunna's father) that he should probably come.

After about an hour or so, I got an epidural. I was getting so exauhsted from the contractions and was in a lot of pain. Shaunna's heartbeat stayed strong the whole time though labor. I became dialated fully in about an hour or so, but we held off on pushing until Levi and Jennifer Brown arrived. As soon as everyone was there and we got everything set up, I began pushing. In about 20 minutes baby Shaunna Arella was born.

Shaunna Arella Merritt was born at 5:49am weighing in at 5lbs 1oz and was 17 1/2 inches long.

Shaunna was very peaceful to begin with. It wasnt until about 20 minutes or so she started making sweet little noises. They were adorable:) I held her on my chest for a good couple hours. My mom then held her, and she was given right back. At 8:23am Shaunna Arella grew her angel wings and was off to heaven.

I spent a little more time with her before a nurse came in and assisted me with getting her weight, measurments and a bath. After that was all done, we dressed her in a beautiful little dress from HAIN and had Jen take some more photos. We then got hand and foot molds, and swaddled her all up again.

My sister and her husband came to visit for a while along with my step-dad. They all spent a few minutes with baby Shaunna. I then got her back and took a little nap with her. I loved waking up to my precious little angel in my arms.

Well, that is pretty much the story of the day I guess. All I have left to do is meet with the funeral home now to get everything all straightened out.

This whole experience taught me a lot about myself and about life. I am so thankful to have been able to spend those precious hours with my little girl. My heart started aching the moment I said good-bye to my sweet little girl. I miss her terribly. She was so beautiful and perfect to me. I loved everyhting about her. Espessially her little angel kiss, shaped as the heart.

I want to thank you all for being apart of this journey with me. You have all helped me in one way or another prepare and grieve through this process. I will share a few more photos later when I get them back, and hopefully a slideshow. I personally want to thank Jeniifer Brown for being our photographer. She did such a wonderful job, and the pictures are amazing. Her prescence was highly admirred.

Thank you to NILMDTS and all of the users.

[isaacnhannahsmama]

What a beautiful blessing to have this precious time with your Shaunna. She is a wonderfully beautiful girl. I will be prayin for you over the days to come. Love & Hugs sweetie.

[JenniferBrown]

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s79/greeneydjen/NILMDTS/DSC_0060a.jpg

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s79/greeneydjen/NILMDTS/DSC_0108Shaunna.jpg

[Darby]

The 2 pictures Jennifer posted are my two favorites so far. I love them with her little bear:)

[Valerie'sMomma]

She is a precious angel. I am glad you got to meet her, hold her and love her. I know you are hurting but we are here for you. We love sharing in the precious moments you had with her.

[tstracener]

She is beautiful Darby! And I love the maternity photo. I am so glad that you got to spend time with your sweet baby. Praying for you!

[Lisa Kammel]

What a beautiful baby girl. Her heart birth mark was her way of saying " I love you". I am so glad that you had those prescious 2 hours and 46 min. with her.

[efswsjuly17]

Just precious.

[MamaBethany]

Beautiful flawless madonna skin with precious baby Shaunna inside!
Darby you are amazing, AMAZING and I am so proud of you, perhaps someday I can drive up to visit you when we are visiting our family in Spokane.
It sounds like, thanks to your wonderful planning, you had such a good birthing experience and a good time with Shaunna. Made memories that you will be able to cherish forever. For the days ahead, we're here. Whatever you think you've learned from us, we've learned just as much from you... and we'll keep on learning.....together.
Lots of love,
Jennifer

[motherofthree]

Darby, I'm just speechless. There are no words to express my feelings - your daughter is precious and beautiful, just like I knew she would be. Her hands and arms look just like Kavya's - so chubby and wrinkly. I bet they we soft as a cloud. I just cried when I knew how long she was with you and that she talked to you - I had prayed so hard that you would get that time. She was a fighter, and is a miracle!

Thank you for letting me share in your pregnancy and your experience. I feel so privileged to have gotten to know you. I'm always here for you!

Beth

[Stacy Holley]

Absolutely breathtaking! You are such an amazing mom.

[Vicki]

Darby ~

Your story about your time with Shaunna is so beautiful . . . as beautiful as she is!
Love is measured in depth not length . . . I wish you had been given more time with her but the depth of love she knew in this life is immeasurable . . . what wonderful, strong parents you are.
Thank you Jennifer for being there for this family and Darby, thank you for sharing the photos with us so soon. We have been following your story and I feel privileged to get to see that little angel's face . . . the birthmark is amazing . . .
My best to you and your family . . .

Vicki

[momma to 2+ an angel]

Darby - I wish I had the right words to say the way I feel.

I have been thinking about you everyday since "met". Waiting for your little one... I wish you didn't have to go through this. I hope you and Levi will one day get married (invite me, please :P) and have more babies... Knowing your Shaunna is looking down on you.

You amaze and insprie me. We aren't that far apart in age but you are so much wiser, braver and smarter than people even older than me. I hope you know that I care very much for you and if there is anything I can do to help you, talk with you, whatever - I want to be here for you.

PS - You are right, Shaunna and Cameron did have similarities. Maybe he gave her that little kiss -- They are together. And so are we.

Jenn

[momofanangel]

Darby, she is just beautiful. I'm so glad you got to spend some time with her before she grew her wings.

[Jamie07]

Darby,

We've never 'met' or 'spoken', but I've followed your story since you first posted here. I have to second what Jenn said earlier. I was just talking to my husband about you last night. How many young women would have been as compassionate and loving as you when being faced with such a difficult situation? I look up to you for your grace and bravery.

Shaunna is stunning. Absolutely gorgeous. The little birthmark on her cheek is a mark of perfection!!

I am sending you wishes for peace and tranquility.

[millerdes]

What a little doll baby!!! That birthmark is the sweetest thing ever, too! So glad she let you hear her little voice before she grew her wings!!!!

[Darby]

Thank you all for the kind and wonderful words. I just woke up and am dreading the day that stands before me. I opened my eyes and just balled. Havent stopped since, im not sure how I am going to make it through today. Trying to think of something special to do, any ideas?

[Christine Barrack]

Darby,
Thank you for sharing so much with us. There hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about you. Your precious Shaunna is so beautiful as are you. The love in your heart now weeps both of the joy from meeting your baby and that of sorrow for not wanting to say goodbye so soon. I am so happy you had the chance to hear her noises.
It's okay to cry. Cry all you want. Spend all the time you want with Shaunna, singing, talking to her, give her a bath, put lotion on her anything that you want. If you need a pastor or clergy person to visit the nurse can help you arrange that. I don't know your religion so I don't want to offend you in any way. You will make it through today one step at a time. Know that we are thinking of you and are here for you.

[Austin's Momma]

I loved sleeping with my little angel too. I wasn't able to sleep (at all) in the hospital, so I asked the nurse if she could bring him to me. As soon as he was in my arms, I felt so peaceful and just went right to sleep. I loved waking up with him and stroking the side of his face...trying to remember every detail. I'm so glad you were able to spend those precious moments with your little girl. Thinking of you ~Sarah

[macsquad33]

Darby, you ARE an amazing woman. Your strength that you have showed so far is an inspiration to me and my husband. No matter how much we prepare for this, it is NOT easy. Please, take your time, cry all you want, scream all you want, love all you want....you will get through the days even when you think you won't. We all care deeply about you and are here for you. Thank you for sharing her with us - that birthmark, well, I am speachless...a kiss from heaven.

ps-FYI-I asked you to be my friend on facebook - McKenzie Hardison -so if you see it, don't think some strange chick is trying to friend you - it's me! Take care, God Bless you and prayers are continually flowing from North Carolina for you today and the days and weeks ahead.

[Austin's Momma]

I just woke up and am dreading the day that stands before me. I opened my eyes and just balled. Havent stopped since, im not sure how I am going to make it through today. Trying to think of something special to do, any ideas?

I think it was two or three weeks before I could wake up and not cry immediately. My favorite time was when I was still kind of asleep and my eyes weren't completely opened and for that minute or two, I felt okay. As soon as my eyes completely opened, it was all over...the tears were just flowing and my heart ached.

Every morning I would go out on the back porch with a cup of coffee and a book to read. (My favorite is one called Dear Parents, Letters to Bereaved Parents) I would just sit out and watch the birds and my dogs and I'd cry and then read some more. I don't do that every day now, but when I'm feeling really overwhelmed, I go back to that same spot on the porch, grab a book (and now a blanket) and cry. I think it's good to have a place like that...so whenever you're feeling really, really down, you can go there and feel a little closer to Shaunna. You'll also be able to see how far you've come.

And don't rush yourself...Take this time to just focus on you and remembering your little girl.

I did a few things after little Austin was born that brought me some comfort: I started a little flower garden for him (I'm thinking that I'll plant something new every year on his birthday), I wrote poems about how I was feeling, I made a scrapbook about my pregnancy and his birth, I wrote a long letter to him about the day he was born, and I made a slideshow of his pictures. I know that you'll come up with something perfect for your daughter. She's lucky to have a mommy like you!

[motherofthree]

Writing helped me, too...I wrote letters to Kavya. I started a journal of the things I didn't want to forget. I knew my memories would be foggy later. Iwrote so much detail, and still hate myself for what I know I've forgotten. I wrote poems, I kept another journal about how I was feeling, and I wrote letters to God, to Kavya, and to myself in that journal, as well as documenting my grief. I think writing was key in helping me through. Some of my poems are dark, some are light and full of love, but all show the conflicting emotions that we deal with. Darby, you're so good at expressing how you feel I think you would do well with writing - sometimes it's the only way to say how you're truly feeling!

You and Shaunna have been on my mind all day, Darby. Be easy with yourself.

[momma to 2+ an angel]

Writing helped me, too...I wrote letters to Kavya. I started a journal of the things I didn't want to forget. I knew my memories would be foggy later. Iwrote so much detail, and still hate myself for what I know I've forgotten.

Darb,

I agree with Beth - Writing may help you... It helps me too. I opened a diary account at www.opendiary.com. You may leave the entries completely open, so people can read them and comment to you or you can close the comment section but they can still read. You can only have select few, once you "meet" people, able to read your entries and again with or without the comment sections and lastly you can keep all the entries private, only for your viewing.

I have mine set to a select few and have just passed my 1000th entry. If you want help, and are interested in the site - Let me know and I would be honored to help you. It is all free and there are alllll different ages, walks of life, both genders, all over the world kind of people on there - It can also be quite distracting and help pass time, just reading other people's entries.

Take it slow, girlie. I would love to call you/you call me tomorrow - J

[ama01]

Thank you for sharing your picture. She is a beautiful little baby. I am so sorry for your loss. ((HUGS))

[katelyn]

She's so beautiful, Darby. Such a precious gift. Hang in there, hon. We are here.

[jmkolb]

so cute!

[MrsDisel]

Hey Darby...Thank you for sharing your story with us! You and little Shaunna will remain close to my heart, I will never forget you and hope to remain good friends for a long time to come. You have been a great help and support for me, you have no idea just how much. If you need anything at all just let me know. (((HUGS)))

[Sandi]

I can't get over that amazing heart. It's like a special gift just for you. I'll bet you kissed it over and over. She was so beautiful. Know we are all here as you strive to get through the next days/weeks/years.