My son Angel

[kiki1only]

Wow! Where do I start. Well I have been married going on 10 years and tried having a baby the last 5 years. And it happen! I took the test and there is was the the two lines. So happy I could no say a word but cried for about an hour. :D My due date 5-19-09. All went so good. We were so happy. Shopping for baby boy and for something cute for me. I went to the doctor on thur 2-5-09 all was okay. Could not see him because his back was to us. My mom and dad and husband where all there it was so much fun. Then on sat morning 2-7-09 @ 4:47a I got up to go to the bathroom (thinking I just had to pee) and there it was not pee. I went to the hospital. They changed me to another hospital and after tests and shots and tests and shots. There was several ultrasounds and all were okay till sunday 2-8-09 around noon. No heartbeat! WHAT! That is all I could say. Did not understand what was going on. WHAT! They then gave me somthing to go into labor. And @ 1:47am on 2-9-09. There he was. But what hurts is there were no sounds in the room. Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! All I want to know is why?:confused: Now what do I do? Who do I talk to? What do I say? Can anyonw HELP please??

In deep pain,
Kiki

[motherofthree]

Kiki,

I am so very sorry that your sweet baby boy is no longer with you. I know exactly how you feel; most of us do. I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you that this forum is a good place to start. Talk to us. Say whatever you feel. The ladies and gents on this forum have helped me immeasurably.

Your son's name is Angel? I would love to hear more about him. How big was he? How much did he weigh? Did you get to hold him?

One thing that I can say is that I got help immediately after I knew we would lose my daughter. I saw a therapist for over a year; it can be a lot of help if you find someone you can connect with.

I'm so sorry that you have to be here, looking for answers and walking this road with the rest of us. No one can take your pain away, but we can be here for you and we will be here for you. Welcome...

[kiki1only]

Thank you for your support. I will be here a lot because right now I don't even know up from down.
Yes his name is Angel. He was 1 pound 2oz and 12 in long. Dark curly hair like his dad. And I look at his eyes and they were light like mine. I did hold him in my arms and took some pictures with NILMDTS. WOW the pics are out of this world. I will try to upload them here. My husband held him too. That was great! My parents can't see or talk about it yet. And my sister is in Florida so I can't talk to her about anything.
I go back to work on monday 3-23-09, what do I say to people? Do I have to talk about it? I know I'm going to cry. I can't talk face to face but on the phone or computer I can.

Lost for words,
Kiki

[Kathy Schneider]

Kiki,
I am so sorry for the loss of your baby Angel. You may find that talking about Angel will help you deal with his loss. I talk about my Isabelle to just about anyone who will listen. She is constantly in our conversations even though she is not here with us. Even her brothers (who were born after she went to heaven), talk about their sister in heaven. It is okay to cry, scream or whatever you need to do to help with your pain. Please feel free to call anytime. We waited 14 years and it took us quite a while to get pregnant with our angel. i'll pm you my phone number. Hugs

[Shannon Dambrosi]

Kiki,
I am so sorry for your loss. i found it hard to understand what happend to my little girl. But i find that talking about my Ashley helps. i still cry and i always will. it is ok for you 2 cry yell and do what you need 2. i am always here 2 talk 2. our storys are alike in some ways and diffrent in other ill just say this our story are alike in the way we were told and how we both felt. but different in others. pm me anytime you want if you need to talk.
(HUGS) ~Shannon~

[Marcus Momma]

I am so sorry for your loss. Know that we are here. It will help to talk about your angel so much. And please don't hold it in it will only hurt worse in the long run. I tried to do that but then it eventually came out and it wasn't pretty. Its still hard after a year and 4 months. And another baby. Just take it one step at a time one day at a time. We will all be here for you on your good days and bad. I finally learned how to deal with it from day to day in my own way so that I could go on with my life with my other kids as well. But there are still those days i don't wanna get out of bed. There will be a day you can think about him and talk about him without crying. Even though it doesn't seem like that day is coming right now it will. The pain won't ever go away but you will find a way to deal with it your own way. We are praying for you.

[mommyofalana]

I am so sorry for your loss of precious Angel. Please know that we are all here for you. When we lost our little Alana we also heard those words "no heartbeat" no words can describe what you felt at that moment, all your hopes and dreams were shattered in a split second. If you ever need to talk you can pm me anytime.

[KEA's Mom]

Kiki,
I, too, am so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy, Angel. While everyone here would say that no loss, no grief is the same, we have walked a similar path and you are among friends here. Say what you need to say--whenever--there's always someone who will answer. When I went back to work, most people didn't know what to say so said nothing and I was fine with that. I wasn't ready to talk about Amanda then, like I can now. Don't feel badly if you need to cut people off--they mean well, it's just hard to listen to. Practice saying, "I appreciate your thoughts, but I just can't talk about him yet."
Take care of yourself,

[Abigailsmommy]

Kiki, I am so sorry you lost Angel. This is so hard for all of us but this is really fresh for you. My only advice is to cry when you need to, scream if you need to and you can always come here and talk to us about how you feel. This forum is what has helped me the most. Our baby Abigail would be 3 months old this coming Sunday the 22nd. It is just hard, but it does ease up a little as time goes by. Instead of crying everyday I am crying every other day and it does make me feel better to just get it out. About going back to work-the first week will be a little rough. Just try and hang in there and know we are all thinking of you and praying for you

Hugs and prayers to you and all your family

Jenni

[motherofthree]

It hurt really bad when I had to tell people about Kavya...but it hurt me more when I DIDN'T tell people about her. I had to acknowledge my second child. I found that after a while I became more comfortable talking about her. But in the beginning, if I teared up or cried, I just let myself a bit. If you're uncomfortable right now, as a supervisor tell people what happened, and maybe send out an email or tell people that you would love to tell them about Angel, but it hurts too bad right now. I also sent out birth announcements to family and friends so everyone would know how important my baby was to me, but I didn't have to speak it to them. I know how you're hurting - things are so hard, so painful for you. We're here for you - lean on us.

[Austin's Momma]

All I want to know is why?:confused: Now what do I do? Who do I talk to? What do I say? Can anyonw HELP please??

I know how your heart aches for your sweet angel...and I am so very sorry for your loss. It's so hard to understand how such a precious, perfect baby cannot be with his mother. This isn't the way it's supposed to be! I'm sorry you will have to walk this path with us...know that we're always here for you if you need to vent. My heart goes out to you and your family. ~Sarah

[Darby]

Kiki,

How thankful I am that you found us all here and have welcomed yourself. This website is what has kept me going. The first month is all so raw. I am on my second month after losing my daughter, and I can tell you the pain does get a little easier to manage. You get to know yourself better and to understand what you are feeling more. The first month it was hard fro me to talk about my daughter when asked. I had alot of people asking me where she was and when I had her, but they didnt know she didnt make it. It was so hard to explain that she is no longer with us. After all of the rumors got out, everyone knew and I didnt get any more of those questions. I hope when you go back to work it goes okay. Sadly, expecting others to understand is impossible. Most poeple wont. Just remember that the comments you recieve you cant take personally, most people dont know how to respond to you.
I am glad you found us here. Dont be shy. We all are on the same road, traveling sadly alone without our angels.

I would love to see pictures of your baby boy Angel.

[angel_26]

i ahd went threw the same thing on feb 17 2009. i went to dr on the 16th b/c i didnt feel her move for a day went i got the ultrsound i could tell something was wrong everytime they put the thing on ur belly i could hear her heart beat right away. well that day I didn't the dr was looking at the screen funny and since I didnt hear anything I knew right there that my little princess didnt make it. so they had to induce me and i had her on the 17 in the morning. they did let me have her for 24 hrs after she was born tho we gave her bath and just held and took tons of pics of her.