I can't! It hurts!

[kiki1only]

I am so having a bad time. I just started working and some ppl are nice and others are fake nice. But the same BS is still there. I can't take this anymore. I just want to leave and stay home. Never leave my house again. Everything reminds me of my son Angel. Everything hurts! I can't think, eat, sleep. Nothing. I see a counsler next week. I really need help. I am sitting here crying my eyes out. I just want him back. I need to hear him. I never got to hear him scream or anything. Why!.

This hurts so much. I want to say so much that i can't see the the keys to type. I don't understand Why. I know we all have that question when will there be answers?

I'm not ready to go to work. I'm happy im there but I feel that I should not keep going on with my life as if before all this mess started. And I can't this is not right.

I want him back so much. I need him back so much. I went to hold him for a little bit more. PLEASE!

Sorry, and thanks for being here for me I needed to spill my beans.

[MamaBethany]

Sending you lots of hugs.... I hope spilling the beans relieves some of the pressure -- yes, going back to work is hard! And you are a different person than you were before, the things that other people get upset about seem trivial, stupid. I'm sorry it was so difficult..... is it possible you can take a more extended leave or find another job? I know another mommy who couldn't bring herself to go back to her job at the factory, and so she is taking online courses and will soon be able to work in a new career. Please don't feel locked into just one option.

Most of all, be gentle with yourself. What you are feeling is absolutely normal and most of us here are wearing the same shoes. Praying for you....

[marybethsmomma]

I am so sorry that you are dealing with so much. Do what you need to do for yourself.

[mommyofalana]

I am sorry you are having to go thru this. I will be praying for you.

[Abigailsmommy]

Kiki, I am so sorry you are hurting so bad right now. Everything you are saying takes me back to my first week back at work. I just sat at my desk and cried. The first week will be the hardest. I promise it will get a little easier. I do still have days when I sit here and cry but other days I have been fine. I am praying things will get a little easier for you. get on the forum while you are at work if you can and vent. We are all here for you. I check in several times a day.


Prayers and hugs
Jenni

[MamaBethany]

Yes, I agree with Abigails' mommy. This forum really helped me cope my first week back at work -- if you are able to check in during the day it helps. I was able to keep it up in the background -- not that I posted during the day, but I would read updates during breaks and just knowing it was there made me feel stronger. :)

[Marcus Momma]

Thinking about you today. And praying God gives you some ease and comfort today.

[motherofthree]

Your words cry out your agony - an agony I remember well. Your feelings are normal. Don't make any rash decisions in the midst of your grief. Is there a possibility of you taking a bit more time off? Thinking of and praying for you...

[Austin's Momma]

My heart's breaking for you girl! It's so hard to do things we used to do (before we were pregnant, while we were pregnant). We feel so differently now, so I think when we're back in the same place we're reminded of how different we really are. And we have a much shorter tolerance for other people's whining, complaining and rudeness, just to add to the stress we already feel. It's really difficult to get back into "normal" things. You'll have to figure out what's best for you. Angel loves you and wants you to be taken care of, so make sure you make yourself the number one priority right now. ((((hugs))))

[Mackenzie's Mommy]

Kiki, I know things are hard right now. I actually couldnt go back to work and I am looking for another job now. I just couldnt get myself to go back when we three women in the office were expecting together and we all had girls. Maybe a change might be good or taking some more time off. Your pain is still new. Do what you need to do for yourself, what will help you. As far as the question of if we will ever get answers as to why this happened, i'm not sure. I have attended a group and at the end we mention what blessings our babies have brought us. Its kinda hard when it seems so bad, but just remember, all of these babies have blessed us with something. You'll will be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope things will get better.