Need some help sorting this out....

[Hope]

It has been 2 yrs and 2 mos since we lost Zoe and I still do not have a picture of her displayed in my house. I need this and want this……

I sometimes feel ashamed that I do not have a pic of her up in my home or even a shadowbox with her stuff...THAT is something I am going to work on...I have felt so guilty about not having a picture of her up somewhere and basically feel like I am "hiding" her stuff. Why? Is it b/c of the lack of support and validation I have felt along the way from most of my circle of friends/family? I mean I had well-meaning people saying well-meaning things, but all in all my husband and I both felt incredibly alone and isolated. Plus, my depression was so bad after losing her.....

I felt like I was in such a pit of despair after her death I just couldn't think straight for a long time...We had no church home when we lost her and my best friend of 10 yrs flew the coop of our friendship at that time too--I think she just had no idea how to deal with it and made it about issues between us at the time and ended the friendship. Then we were blessed with another pregnancy 1 yr to the exact weekend we lost Zoe. So, for the next few months I was busy trying not to freak out or worry too much about Isaiah and his safety. Now, Isaiah is a very healthy 6 mos old and it is strange how my husband and I are finally able to take deep breaths now that we hadn't been able to take for over 2 yrs....We are doing stuff around the house that had been left undone since moving in shortly after Zoe's death, and we are even straightening things up in our personal lives & relationships that were just too hard to deal with until now. Places in our hearts are starting to come alive again......Not that we are beyond Zoe, but rather God is healing our hearts and enabling us to bear up under this tremendous sadness and loss as people who are stronger and healthier and full of more love all the way around.....Praise God for that and thank you Zoe for having such an incredible legacy sweet girl! So, even as I type this I am hearing God whisper words of GRACE & understanding to my heart......He knows and understands every nuance of where I have traveled the past 2 yrs and 2 mos since we lost our daughter--He has every tear I shed in a bottle for crying out loud!

I hesitated to even post this b/c I do not at all want to come across as ungrateful for the pics I had taken of my sweet girl Zoe. I am so very very grateful for those pics...they are invaluable to me....The photographer really did an outstanding job and took so many, got them edited so fast, and we even became somewhat close... I am too embarrassed to ask the photographer who did such a great job to digitally retouch a few of the pics so that I can have 1 I feel good about putting up in my home and sharing with others etc.... I just don’t want to offend them etc…They are not currently on this forum that I know of and I mean no disrespect by sharing this and asking for help with this.

Zoe had been dead in the womb for a bit by the time she was delivered...Her skin was beginning to break down and change colors as the moments passed etc...it was just pitiful really on top of everything else...... due to the condition of her body it was not even possible to get her tiny footprints for us. I have pics of her hand/fingers and a foot that I think would be great if retouched some...or at least they would be more what I need [they were great to begin with]. I have one I love but it doesn’t show any of Zoe really—it is her little body wrapped in a blanket with a hat on. For some reason I really want to put one up in my home that shows part of her body—like her fingers or feet etc…

I am relieved that I am finally to the place where I can feel proud to display her picture [if I can get the right ones digitally retouched etc..]…wish it had come sooner but all our roads of grief twist and turn a bit differently I suppose.

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this and especially thanks to any comments or suggestions for me.

Blessings!:)

[isaacnhannahsmama]

My Hannah was gone for some time too, so I know firsthand what you mean, about the condition of our sweet little ones. She was about the same age as your Zoe. I took a few pics myself, & they were beautiful, but I knew it wasn't good for me to put up pics that would hurt my other children's hearts. it took some time but I asked for help here. The woman that helped me was so amazing & sweet. I emailed her the pic & she did a beautiful job. I've wanted to post it here but haven't worked up the nerve. I now have a pic of my Hannah girl up w/ all my other kids. Sometimes people are taken aback when they walk in my house & see this sweet little girl in the picture. But that's OK, her pic does my heart good. I think it's OK to get the pic of Zoe retouched. And it's in Gods perfect timing that you are here now asking for help. And you don't appear ungrateful at all, we mamas have a sense of protecting the memory of our babies. So I understand you waiting til now. I hope & pray that you get a pic soon that you will bring peace to your soul :)

[Hope]

My Hannah was gone for some time too, so I know firsthand what you mean, about the condition of our sweet little ones. She was about the same age as your Zoe. I took a few pics myself, & they were beautiful, but I knew it wasn't good for me to put up pics that would hurt my other children's hearts. it took some time but I asked for help here. The woman that helped me was so amazing & sweet. I emailed her the pic & she did a beautiful job. I've wanted to post it here but haven't worked up the nerve. I now have a pic of my Hannah girl up w/ all my other kids. Sometimes people are taken aback when they walk in my house & see this sweet little girl in the picture. But that's OK, her pic does my heart good. I think it's OK to get the pic of Zoe retouched. And it's in Gods perfect timing that you are here now asking for help. And you don't appear ungrateful at all, we mamas have a sense of protecting the memory of our babies. So I understand you waiting til now. I hope & pray that you get a pic soon that you will bring peace to your soul :)
I would be honored to see pictures of all your children....

I appreciate the comment about us mamas having a sense of protection over the memory of our babies...that really helps, thank you Tina!

[JenniferBrown]

Hope,

If you would like, I'd be honored to take a look at Zoe's pictures and see if I can make them something you'd be proud to display and share with others. I am a photographer with nilmdts but I'm also a digital retouch artist.

If you can email me I will share with you the steps to get the best size images to me so I can help you out.

Sincerely,
Jennifer

[marylouise]

Hope, I knew Jen would respond to you. She'll do a great job. We (the photographers) only want the best for our families. Hope you will share Zoe's photos when you get them back.
Hugs

[Erica Stone]

I totally understand, Hope. I was worried about my pictures for a long time since Matthew didn't look like "other babies". His head and face (whole body, really) were incredibly swollen when he was born - especially his eyelids. We didn't know about NILMDTS until after he had gone for autopsy, and he looked like a completely different baby when they came to do his session at he funeral home. I was worried about how his skin looked and how his face looked, but all I really cared about was having the photos. When we sent ou our bereavement announcements I picked a photo of just his feet in case someone would be offended. There are definitely some pictures from my session that I prefer over others, that I think make him look more "normal" if you know what I mean. I think it's the mother in us - wanting our babies to look the best and be the best so everyone loves them as much as we do! You know that we are all anxious to see your sweet girl here - don't be worried to post on this forum. That's what we're here for!

[Austin's Momma]

Everyone is different~ We heal in different ways and at different times. You don't have to have a picture framed to show her how much she is loved and missed...she already knows. If it's something you want, then I think you should do it. It can be one of those picture frames that opens and closes, so whenever your feeling down you can open it to look at her picture. I'm glad to hear that your family is growing and healing. I hope the blessings continue!

[Hope]

Thank you all for your sweet replies! Jennifer, I will be e-mailing you to get the ball rolling--thank you SO MUCH for being willing to do this. Forgive me if it seems the photos look fine to you and you even wonder what I am looking for--just do whatcha can and it will be fine I am sure. :) Again, thank you all for taking the time to respond--there were great ideas and encouraging words that really helped me this week as I thought about it all etc...
Blessings!

[Hope]

Hi Erica--
I am so sorry about Matthew...I would love to see his pics if you are open to sharing them with me. I KNOW he was and is beautiful no matter what...I applaud you for sending out bereavement announcements--I sure wish we would have done that.....I really regret not doing that...I do have a few pics on here of Zoe--look under the "My Babies" section or the "My Story" section to see and read more...Thx again.....


I totally understand, Hope. I was worried about my pictures for a long time since Matthew didn't look like "other babies". His head and face (whole body, really) were incredibly swollen when he was born - especially his eyelids. We didn't know about NILMDTS until after he had gone for autopsy, and he looked like a completely different baby when they came to do his session at he funeral home. I was worried about how his skin looked and how his face looked, but all I really cared about was having the photos. When we sent ou our bereavement announcements I picked a photo of just his feet in case someone would be offended. There are definitely some pictures from my session that I prefer over others, that I think make him look more "normal" if you know what I mean. I think it's the mother in us - wanting our babies to look the best and be the best so everyone loves them as much as we do! You know that we are all anxious to see your sweet girl here - don't be worried to post on this forum. That's what we're here for!

[motherofthree]

Hope, first let me reassure you that you do not sound ungrateful for your pictures. Everyone deals and heals differently...as long as we all deal and heal, it doesn't matter what path we take. I hope you can get your images to a place where you feel more comfortable displaying them; having Kavya's pictures around the house is such a comfort to me, and I think it helps others to understand how important she continues to be for me.

I don't think you should ever hesitate to post on this forum - if there is one thing I appreciate from this place it is the support with a complete lack of judgment! I hope you will feel comfortable with sharing your pics with us when you get them retouched how you want them. I would love to "meet" Zoe!

[kristincopson]

Hope, I've just joined NILMDTS as a digital artist, helping make your sweet little people look as perfect as possible in their photos. I would be happy to try to help you create a few beautiful images if you'd like to email me at kcopson@godoggo.com.au. You probably won't need to - Jennifer will do a superb job!
> KC

[donmate04]

If I may suggest something that worked for us. Our twins were born at 26 weeks - very tiny so they had to put lines in their umbilical area - doing this caused damage to Shelby's foot and entire leg - it had started to die and had turned black. Shelby died at three days old - when Amy came to take her pictures I remember saying I didn't want any pictures of her foot because it was black and really looked horrible. Amy told me she would take the picture and if it didn't turn out ok she would not show it to us. When we got the pictures back there was Shelby's foot - in black and white and as perfect as Amy said it would be. You can't tell that Shelby ever was anything but a perfect one pound baby - just as Amy intended (with some help from God). When Sydney died six weeks and five days later I made sure to have Amy photograph her feet so we could hang them together.