Having another baby

[C.S. Hoppe]

My wife and I lost Ben in October. I just found out we're pregnant again and I'm excited but terrified and completely freaked out.

We lost Ben 4 hours after he was born to Trisomy 13, but we had found out during the 20 week ultrasound. We had a great short time with him, but I'm not sure if I can do it again.

I keep trying to tell myself that, we lost our first baby, and it was still a wonderful thing, how can I be so scared about this one, but it only gets me so far.

Anyone else been there and have any suggestions? We're going into our first doc appointment this week, so we're still very early.

[smileyone6969]

I remember after we lost Shyanne how upsetting it was when I got pregnant 9 months later. It is really hard not to be scared.Did they do any gentic testing on you and your wife to make sure that what happened was just a fluke. Just try and hold your head up.and remember that God doesnt give you anymore than you can handle WITH HIS HELP alot of people leave that part out. Just remember that just because Ben had tri 13 doesnt mean that this one will. its okay to be scared I was with Piper through my hole pregnancy which in turn didnt allow me to get to close to her. When we lost her it hurt but the pain wasnt the same as the first time around.Just remember to be there for your wife. Talk to her about how your feeling or even how she is feeling.you might be able to reasurre eachother. Just dont worry about being scared you'll make it through. God Bless

[Abigailsmommy]

Congratulations. We Lost Our Baby Girl Abbi Last December 22. We Have Not Started Trying Yet But The Prospect Of It Still Scares Me. Just Hang In There And Take It One Day At A Time And One Doctor Appt At A Time.

~hugs~
Jenni

[Valerie'sMomma]

I am pregnant right now and it is hard for me and my husband. We both struggle with the prospect of losing another baby. We are just hoping and praying with each appointment that it brings good news. Keep thinking positive thoughts and enjoy the pregnancy. I know my hubby has already started gaining weight and is having cravings. :-)

I am sure they will offer your wife a first trimester CVS (like an amnio) to rule out T13. If they don't ask for it!!! Good luck.

[C.S. Hoppe]

We did some testing with Ben and they said it was simply a nature happens or bad odds situation. So that really let us focus on being happy with him while we had him which was great.

Congrats on being pregnant again. It's a scary thing this time around. Right now we're balancing our thoughts on do we do an amnio at 8/10 weeks when we can find out, but the chances of rupturing the bag is higher or do we wait around freaking out until the 20 week ultrasound.

I have learned now that we need to really appreciate the whole pregnancy including now.

[Marcus Momma]

It will be a hard long road i got prego 6 months after losing marcus but i was blessed with the healthiest baby i have had wieghing 9lbs 10ozs and 23in long. I will be praying for yall i know it will be a hard thing and she will need all the support she can get because it is super scary and hard to be stressed out worrying the whole time. Those doc app. u will look forward too. Congrats and try to stay focused on this baby

[C.S. Hoppe]

Thanks. The first one it tomorrow.

[Mackenzie's Mommy]

My husband and I are not expecting, but I wanted to wish you the best. I'm sure your feelings are natural, just know we are hoping for the best!

[Christine Barrack]

Chris,
I'm not a father, but a mother. I can honestly say that expecting a baby after a loss is full of ups and downs. There were days I was terrified and thought for sure something was wrong (this was only slightly made better by my OB's accomidations to go into the office or hospital at any time I felt that way to be checked) and I just didn't know if I could even breathe. Other days I tried to focus on the positive and really enjoyed each and every moment. When the stress became so intense I finally had to tell myself that there is only so much I could do if something were to go wrong and I would deliver another angel. I did all the right things during pregnancy and knew it was out of my hands.
I was offered the same amnio and testings. But I did not opt for them. To me I was already high risk and did not want to risk a rupture because my decision in the end would always be the same, continue the pregnancy. This was a personal choice. Only you and your wife can make the choice that is right for you. Whatever the choice is know you have support here.
You are so right when you say "I have learned now that we need to really appreciate the whole pregnancy including now". Enjoy and treasure every moment. Communicate and share with your wife all the joys, fears and even memories of your son Ben that come up even more now. Keep your faith. If you or your wife ever want to talk feel free to send me an email at any time and I will send you my phone number.
Thinking of you.

[C.S. Hoppe]

So a little update:
We opted not to do the amnio. Had our first trimester screen and everythings looks good as of now. That helped settle the nerves a bit. I had a serious breakdown today. Tomorrow would be Benjamin's first birthday, and I'm hoping that I can handle myself well, and really celebrate the time we had with him. I hope tomorrow isn't like today.

[macsquad33]

Sweet Benjamin's 1st Birthday is only one day before my Murray's 1st Birthday. I know what you mean - I had a total breakdown today too. We can never understand the meaning behind these, except for broken hearts. My husband and I are expecting our second child in December - it is scary - but our hope in the Lord is all that is getting us through. Praying that tomorrow is an ok day and you can celebrate sweet Benjamin's life.

[mommy of three angels]

Happy heavenly 1st birthday benjamin!!!!! Congrads on you new pregancy and baby. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Valerie'sMomma]

I am happy to hear that things are looking good for this pregnancy. I hope you had a sweet celebration for your Angel Benjamin. I know it is difficult and scary but it will be worth it. Keep us updated. We are all rooting for your family, your sanity and this new bundle.

[Mullin987]

I hope you are staying strong for you and your wife during this pregnancy. I can imagine it would be so difficult for my husband with worries when we go get pregnant again in the future. He already worries with pregnancies and now he has a real reason to be worried. I would tell him so I will tell you that sometimes when you are worried think about it, keep it in mind, but be cautious with telling the mom every worry. You want to stay good communication as a couple especially after going through this type of sad event in life but a pregnant mom worries normally and sometimes they act like it did not make them worry more but it did and being as strong as you can emotionally while pregnant is good for the baby to help them be calm as they can sense everything with the mom. If you ever have any big issues you could always look at talking to a counselor as a couple or individually to feel like you are getting out your worries but dont ignore all worries as it will keep your baby safe along with your wife in the end. Good luck and I hope your wife is feeling wonderful. Stay strong and know you are more aware this time so you know what to watch for and you, as daddy, will do all you can do to keep this baby safe.