Support group for those with no l/c

[NoQuotaOnGrief]

I tend to AVOID any loss boards because of the added pain of no living children to show for pregnancy(ies). It is a different journey............... I found a group called http://www.alivealone.org which is for those whose only child(ren) are deceased.

[momma to 2+ an angel]

I am on a different end of the spectrum, I have two l/c (not this partner), one angel-baby (this partner) AND plenty of infertility with no hope in sight.

I was amazed when I started looking for other parents of lost babies, to see how many support groups are out there - I sure hope the one you found helps guide you through this. Take care.

Jenn

[Kirk Kief]

Carolyn,
I'm confused. We have many members here who are in the same situation as yourself.

[momma to 2+ an angel]

Not trying to rock the boat at all --

I do understand what Carolyn is saying... Yes, a mom or dad that has lost a child, has lost a child but there are so many levels to this loss. I am sure it is Carolyn's first instinct to throttle (maybe not that severe) any parent that has lost a child BUT still has a child to kiss and hug each night because they still have A child.

I understand what she means because I love this site and all the people that I have met here, but each time I hear of a mom that has experienced loss getting pregnant again, I am so ecstatic for them and their new possibilities... but at the end of the day, I am sad for myself because we lost what was likely our only chance at having a child together due to Infertility.

Carolyn, I hope what I said makes sense. It seemed to me you were trying to perhaps point out an alternative for parents in your same situation.

Jenn

[NoQuotaOnGrief]

Not trying to rock the boat at all --

I do understand what Carolyn is saying... Yes, a mom or dad that has lost a child, has lost a child but there are so many levels to this loss. I am sure it is Carolyn's first instinct to throttle (maybe not that severe) any parent that has lost a child BUT still has a child to kiss and hug each night because they still have A child.

I understand what she means because I love this site and all the people that I have met here, but each time I hear of a mom that has experienced loss getting pregnant again, I am so ecstatic for them and their new possibilities... but at the end of the day, I am sad for myself because we lost what was likely our only chance at having a child together due to Infertility.

Carolyn, I hope what I said makes sense. It seemed to me you were trying to perhaps point out an alternative for parents in your same situation.

Jenn

Thanks Jenn, that is what I was getting at exactly. It is a different journey when all your children are deceased and (in my case) due to age, the reality of having a viable pregnancy that ends in a live birth is very low. Do I really want to sit in a support group while surviving children (who might very well be the age our son should be) play at their parents' feet? NO! So we face the future ALONE. Depending how far removed we are from that month's BFN, throttle is a good word. We have NOTHING.

Conversely, those families have their own issues of explaining loss to their other children. There wasn't much support out there for antenatal loss in the early 70s when my mom had a 2nd trimester loss and my mom said I used to go around telling strangers that "Mommy killed the baby".

Getting pregnant again did somewhat temper the loss of our son, but then to find out our daughter faces the same end only compounded it.

[Madge]

If you haven't seen this site you may want to check it out. She's got tons of links to all sorts of blogs, forums, and sites for loss and infertility.

http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2006/06/whole-lot-of-blogging-brought-to-you.html

[NoQuotaOnGrief]

Thanks Madge. I had heard of the site because the name is soooo FUNNY! I hadn't checked it out. My big soap box is male infertility and I see there's a forum for that. The discrimination my husband faced merely because he's FAT is unconscionable. How many other couples spent their life savings on something that could've been fixed with a $5/bottle copay instead of IVF?????

I have 5 weeks to go.... I have THREE weeks to go until a baby boy we're "in the running for" (LONNNNNNNNNG story) is due and will be relinquished for adoption. Right now his birth mommy still hasn't made her choice, but we need to be ready if she picks us.

I have been totally honest with the agency (and in my communications to birth mom) about being pregnant with a terminal baby. I was conflicted about inducing @ 32 weeks (before baby boy is due) and decided against it because she could change her mind and I could still breast feed him while still pregnant. I guess if we get him he could be in a bassinette in th hossy room while Aurora is born. If need be, DH can tend to him either in the room or @ home. The OB knows about this variable as well because we had to talk about the starting milk supply while still pregnant. One of my dear friends is a nurse and I'll just ask her to go through it with me until the heavy labor hits.....

[Madge]

Conversely, those families have their own issues of explaining loss to their other children. There wasn't much support out there for antenatal loss in the early 70s when my mom had a 2nd trimester loss and my mom said I used to go around telling strangers that "Mommy killed the baby".

Getting pregnant again did somewhat temper the loss of our son, but then to find out our daughter faces the same end only compounded it.

There is certainly no "ideal" journey when it comes to our situation. I have eight living children, so that brings its own set of trials. Like, since I have other children, Dekar was "disposable" or something and it didn't really matter that he didn't make it--I have other kids! Some people just don't get it.

I hope you do find a place where you can talk and express yourself as you need. All in all NILMDTS has been a great forum, simply because we all understand the loss aspect.

[ama01]

Thanks for sharing the link. I have started an organization with a few other angel mamas called angelkisses.org and we have a resource page with links to many websites. We review all websites and write a short overview of each so people will know what to expect before they go to a new site. I will include this one.