Dreamt of my babies last night (with mention of a fellow NILMDTS baby and mom)

[Tosha]

And now I'm in a huge funk today :(

In my dream, McKayla was born an angel just like in real life. She was scooped away from me ( Not like in real life...they gave me my baby right away) and McKynzie, like in real life, was born alive .But in the dream she was doing well, but we knew it wouldn't be long. I saw her cry, smile, and move around. She was SO light skinned just like 4 of my 5 kids. I told my hubby in the dream "Its so strange that our kids keep coming out this light" LOL Anyway the nurses kept coming in to take her vitals to see if she was still alive (just like in real life) and in the dream I asked them to stop it and let us have our time. My mom came to visit in the dream and the baby REALLY reacted to grandma...smilling and even reaching her hands out to her. My mom is a BIG HIT around here with hte kids so LOL no wonder! As she smiled so big at grandma I kept demanding that everyone take pics of her smiling, but the camera always jammed up or was malfunctioned and we couldn't. As we lay there listening to her make all the baby noises in that dream, I had so much hope. Maybe she will be ok! There's no sign of pending death. I remember saying in this dream " Dear God this must be what Vaydens mom was feeling seeing her perfect son" and started to cry. I held on to her for dear life. She was doing good then she drifted off to sleep....where I saw all the veins in her head buldge and then she was gone.

I don't know but I never want a dream like that again :( I want it to be on a happier note when I see my babies in my dreams, not to dream that they are leaving me. I already have to live that nightmare daily.

So now Im feeling down today so far. Hubby knows something is up....he looked in my face and just held me. I can't bare to tell him about that, I know I would breakdown so badly.

For those that dream of your babies, do they ever turn from them dying to you getting to enjoy them? I know that wont make it better because I know I would just wish I could enjoy my girls' in real life too. Now I feel like I'm just rambling so I'll end this here.

[Mackenzie's Mommy]

The only dream I ever really had (so far) was shortly after Mackenzie passed and Mackenzie was alive and well only like 7 months old or so. It was me and my girls at home just hanging out, so when I woke up, it felt like nothing had ever happened. Be gentle with your self, this is a difficult road.

Hugs to you!

[MamaBethany]

Tosha, Dreams are so strange. Sometimes, others mention having very comforting dreams and I always wanted one of those. I've had a few dreams of Bethany, and they've been weird ones that left me with sad feelings in the morning. For instance, once I dreamed that she was still alive, but in the hospital and I had forgotten about her.....when I got to her she had been neglected and was on lots of wrong medications. In another one, she was alive, but I was so stressed out because I kept forgetting to feed her every two hours. I try not to put too much weight on them ....but I always wake up wondering if I would have been a good mom after all. Anyhow -- I hope you can feel free to share about your dream with your husband, perhaps in writing if talking is too hard, like you have with us -- it helps to share and he needs to know what you're feeling. Lots of love, Jennifer

[Tosha]

Thank you Jennifer. I will talk to him tonight when the kids are in bed. I've just been in a funk all day. I did laundry and packed up all my maternity things. That was so hard when I should still be pregnant. I HATE this life. I did nothing to deserve this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[smileyone6969]

I remember the dream I had night after night when we lost Shyanne.I was in the NICU and relived the same exact events that really had happened.My mother in law says the deceased come back in dreams.I wish I could have a peaceful dream know but never had one with Piper. I wish I could just see them again to be able to hold them in my arms close
be kind to yourself.The scary dream will soon pass I have faith that it will

[denisekeel]

It has been a week since Landon passed and I dream of him nightly. In one dream he is 8 y/o and playing football. He is lookin in the stand to make sure I am watching. In another dream he is 2 y/o and we are in the park playing in the grass. My dreams are so vivid that I can smell him in my dreams. In my dreams we are happy. When I wake up I am crying.

[cartersmomanddad]

Tosha
I have only had two dreams about Carter that I can remember. And both of them were completely screwed up. We were at his funeral in both of them. I have yet to have a "normal" dream about him. I too wake up upset afterward. :confused:

[SusanH]

I have not had any dreams, but my husband has. The night before we had to decide to remove life support, my husband had a dream of Bryce about 3 or 4 years old, nice mocha skin color like our oldest son, big curly hair like him too. He was on a red tricycle and told him "Daddy it is ok, I will be ok." I still cry thinking of this.