I am a grieving parent...what NOT to say.

[Cheryl Haggard]

I honestly must say that the support we received after the death of Maddux was overwhelming. We had only lived in our small community of Evergreen Colorado for alittle over a year and a half. Most of our support came from the parents of our childrens classmates. We even received sympathy cards from people we didn't know. Some people had to write on their card, how they knew us. All of my children also received cards from their peers and gift baskets from their classes. This support truly touched all of our hearts.

After the death of Maddux, I met many women in my community and online that shared with me their personal experiences over the death of their babies. I was shocked at some of the responses they received. I would just like to share with the family and friends of a greiving parent what NOT to say:

Don't tell me that "He was only a baby. You didn't have him for that long. Be grateful that it wasn't one of your older children." No matter how short his time was with us, doesn't make his death any less painful.

Do not say to me "That this was God's will." or "That this was meant to be."

Please don't tell me that you "know how I feel." Unless you actually have experienced the death of a baby. And if you have, share your story with me, and please be patient with me while I share mine with you. After all, he is my favorite subject.

Don't tell me that "I should count my blessings with my older children." or "I can always have another baby." The loss of this baby is real. No one can replace him.

Please don't tell me that "It's been _____ months. You should get on with your life." My life will never be the same, and why would I want it to be? I will always carry the heartache of losing my baby. There will always be an emptiness in my heart, and I will always miss him.

Don't tell me that my baby "is in a better place now, or that we have an angel in heaven." Even though I know this, I also know that my baby should be with his mommy and daddy.

And please don't tell me to "Call you if we need anything." Right now we don't know what we need. But any help you are willing to give us would be greatly appreciated.